Sunday, January 31^st, 2016

To my twenties,

Hello. I’ve been awaiting your arrival, maybe far long before I should have been. I was the kind of child who always appeared ahead of her years but it seems as if time is finally catching up. You are like an old friend who I am meeting for the first time. And although I’d like to say I know all about you, I only assume as much as the past 7,306 days have allowed.

So here I am with the warmest welcome because a hello to you is now a hello to endless possibility. It is with you that the restrictions and limitations imposed by infancy, childhood, and adolescence can slowly crumble and my emerging adulthood can establish itself.

People have told me all about you and what you should mean to me; they have come to know you in their own right and have already drawn their own conclusions. From determined detachment and self-proclaimed singlehood to never-ending travel and saving up all my earnings for myself. To some in this career-driven society, you – my twenties – signify a continuous grind toward success with no thought of beginning of a family; and to others, you are the opportune time for (excuse my language) “fucking up.”

Although it’s tempting to let their experiences influence my own, I refuse to let anyone else’s expectations detract from me from what I truly want you to mean to me. I want to claim you completely and make you as my own but first it all begins with hello.

Hello to hard work, to nursing school in the upcoming fall, to a diploma hopefully two years later signifying what my seventeen years of formal education has surmised, to the end of my academic career, and to the beginning of my life-long occupation.

Hello to a substantial income, to my first real paycheck, to reaping the rewards of night shifts and long hours, to fiscal responsibility, to financial security, and to finally having a means to pay my parents back for all the sacrifices they’ve made for my future. I’ll never be able to, but I’ll at least be equipped to try.

Hello to autonomy, to real-world responsibility, to the ability to come and go as I please. As the daughter of two traditional Filipino parents, I’ve come to value freedom in the increments that I’ve been given it and developed patience in waiting for my time to come. All through my childhood and teenage years my mom and dad have told me that I can do anything so as long as I finish college and the time is ticking down to that achievement.

Hello to womanhood. I’ve been profoundly blessed with an arsenal of fierce yet compassionate females that have shaped the way I want to define myself as a woman. These women – most of whom I asked to be one of my “18 candles” at my debut – have exemplified what being a woman could be in terms of being a lady, a friend, a wife, a mother, and a nurse. As I work to cast off my teenage girlish insecurities, I also hope to grow into my own and unapologetically embody the essence of what I see fit.

Hello to love – whenever that time truly comes for me. Instead of chasing a person, I am actively pursuing myself and investing my energy and efforts into becoming the kind of woman that a man prays to God for. This is not an oath to stay single nor is it a proclamation that I am looking for a relationship, but rather an acknowledgment that I will welcome love when it comes into my life. Fate will find a way.

However, all these hellos do not necessitate a goodbye. When I was younger, I falsely believed that as you turned another age, you completely abandoned your previous one but I could not be more wrong. Growing up means adding to the years that I’ve already accumulated with the intention of improving what I already have. Today I am 20 – but sometimes I will be 5 and need my mother’s hug, 10 and requires my father’s knowledge, 15 and falsely believe that I am infallible, or 18 and be in complete awe at the world. Teetering on the edge of adulthood has allowed me to humble myself and appreciate how the past 20 years have culminated to guide me here.

And so here I am, 20 years old and more alive than ever. Now that we have formally met, I cannot wait to actually get to know you and all that you have to offer. Each day we encounter is an opportunity for me to employ the lessons that I have been taught before you. To learn continuously, travel frequently, live fully, and love endlessly – those are the things that I hope to accomplish. But there is no rush – let’s take our time. In fact, we have an entire decade to see what you have to offer.

May this be the beginning of something beautiful; God bless you always.

All my love,

Janelle.